I Really Wish That Were a Budgee Smuggler

Greetings,

For all of you non-Aussie familiars I am about to introduce some new Aussie slang. The budgee smuggler is what we would call banana hammock, or a Speedo. Wearing Speedos here is definitely more prevalent than in the United States. Especially, at the pool that I have started swimming laps at. Thankfully, this is not like at the beach in Mexico when you look over the beautiful horizon and right smack in the middle of the scenery is some over-weight hairy man spilling over his Speedo (yes, you are welcome for that visual, I know it is pretty.) Regardless, I excuse the use of the speedo when it is for fitness purposes, even though I am still not its biggest fan. However, today I had a thought that I hope I never have to have again...."I really wish that were a budgee smuggler."

As I was going about my fitness routine and swimming laps in a decently crowded lane, I found myself behind a man in a bright blue suit and a bright blue cap. As I am swimming behind him (he is doing the breast stroke, which unfortunately is already a fairly exposing stroke when seeing it behind,) anyways, as he is swimming I keep thinking, "man, that guy has a major wedgie." The further down the pool I get the more I wonder why he hasn't tried to fix it, that looks painful. It was some point about 10 seconds past that thought when I thought I might choke on the water and drown......THE GUY WAS WEARING A THONG. Seriously?!? If someone can explain that thought process, hmmmm I really want to go swim some laps in a public pool, maybe I should wear a thong so that I can expose myself to everyone and get a nice tan on my butt. I wanted soooo badly to turn to someone in my lane and ask if I was crazy or if he was really wearing a thong, I did not in fear that someone was with him, but the temptation was very real. For the rest of the work out I would have to take 'breathers' just to make sure he was far enough away that I would not have to laugh myself across the pool swimming behind him.

The moral of the story is:
Please, for the greater good of man kind, do not, I repeat, do not wear a thong when swimming for fitness.

Well as long as that visual is out of our heads, I am sure you will have a wonderful yesterday and I will have a great tomorrow.

Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic, Minus the Arithmetic.

Greetings Yesterlings,

I am writing a letter to readers in my home country, the U. S. and of A. I am now a foreigner, well no not actually, but apparently in my writing I am. My Dad told me the other day that I had been slacking on checking for spelling errors in my blogs. I was a bit surprised, (because I usually do proof read these silly little rants, not to say that I don't make errors,) but I was under the impression that my late night postings had been proof read in a very sleep deprived manner. Therefore, I wrote a new blog, diligently proofed it, and yet my Dad said it still had errors. I asked for clarification and he said, "you don't spell favorite f-a-v-o-u-r-i-t-e." Well I hate to tell you but now I do, and not because I am just zany. Spelling is something I have never struggled with in my life except for in the past 8 or so months. Welcome to the British derived version of English. I get so confused about how I am spelling, and who I am spelling for that I have decided to just adapt to here, because I am being graded on things like spelling here, yet I still can't remember half the time what is spelled how and where. Most of the time the U.S. spelling makes more sense to me, so I usually try to just go with what seems less correct. Here are a few tips about spelling in British English:

1. Ad random u's to words, especially after a letter o, for example favourite or harbour. (Side note, I am typing this in a different browser to my usual, so my computer is currently in U.S. form so it is telling me as I 'misspell' things.)
2. Replace s's with c's. For example defense here is spelled defence. (Another side note, the first month that I dated James, I had little faith in his spelling capabilities because his emails were signed Department of Defence, only to find out the contrary, that he was indeed intelligent and proficient in spelling.)
3. Then there are words that I don't think I will ever stuff up who writes what on like, tire, here it is spelled with a y as in tyre. Nope that one is just not right it looks like it would sound like it was to be pronounced TIE-RAY.

OK that is all for my little rants at this point. I must actually get back to writing an essay in what James refers to as "the Queens English."

Sincerely,
Lacey from tomorrow.